My Confidence

I think every now and then we find ourselves with seemingly no one to turn to. I've been feeling really down lately. I've felt like I can't really talk to anyone. Lauren is busy thinking about the land of Waffles (Belgium) and I don't want to burden her. Rich is... well... who even knows where the hell he is? And Jen... well i haven't felt much like discussing my problems with her lately. So I'm left with a lot of doubt and negativity and no real outlet for it. And that's not good. I think anyone would realize that that's not good. Too much negativity and no outlet leads to one thing: MORE negativity. It snowballs. Before you know it you forget the initial problem and become a frustrated ball of rage with no patience for anyone. OR you're too depressed and feeling sorry for yourself to want to do anything to better the situation. I think I was feeling a little bit of both, fluctuating between anger, guilt, and random depression.

I'd like to offer some advice to anyone who's felt like they had no one to turn to. Swallow a little bit of pride, and confide in someone you may not have previously considered. If you find the well of best friends has run dry and you're feeling lost, give someone else a shot. You might find yourself in a much better place.

As I write this, my situation has not yet changed. The difference is that I feel the motivation to change it. There is shit in my life that I don't like. So I'm going to change it and if I am met with resistance, I just won't put up with it. I'm doing what I have to do. I believe in me. Do you?

I want to thank you for helping me. You know who you are. It's one person in particular. Ask yourself "Did i help motivate Nick on the evening of January 3rd, 2008?" If the answer is "No," then it ain't you. If it was "Yes," you helped me realize what was my fault and what wasn't, and you did it in a way that didn't frustrate me, upset me, or make me feel like a side was chosen. It was a 100% perfect way to handle the situation and I could not have asked for a better way. Should I fall into a hole again, you'll be a far earlier consideration to ask for rope than prior to today. I have my own issues, but I have been known to save a life here or there, so I'm going to add that should you need anyone for anything. Just ask. Ask like I asked you and know that I'm here AND in your debt. There won't be any hesitation.

I'll elaborate more on my master plan later. But for now, I just wanted to let all my non-readers know that an upswing could be happening tonight. Cross your fingers for me.